U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
