A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
