Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
