Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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