Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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