I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
