Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
