Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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