never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I havenโt been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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