I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
