Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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