This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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