While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My legs feel like baby dolphins
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
