My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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