Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think your dad took our porno
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
