just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
