hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
being pregnant is like rehab
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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