Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
