Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
