You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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