shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
