I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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