What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
