I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
