Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
