I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
