I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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