Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
