i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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