We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
