Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
