Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
