I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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