i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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