return my video game
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
