Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
