Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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