wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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