I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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