I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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