did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
