Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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