Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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