All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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