I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I want a musical about memes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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