I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
