Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
