eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
