This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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