I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
