I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
