moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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