just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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