Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
